Russian Vodka, Folklore, and the Creatures That Protect Us

Deep in the ancient forests and icy lakes of Russia, guardian spirits and monsters have protected the land and its people for centuries. This week, we venture into the mysterious world of Slavic folklore to discover creatures both terrifying and protective.

The journey begins with Dr. Kitsune sharing a hilariously embarrassing tale from his high school Russian class, where a linguistic misstep with an elderly Russian woman left the entire class in stitches—except for him. His inadvertent use of the informal "you" form prompted her to quip, "My young man, we haven't even slept together yet!" This moment perfectly captures our blend of cultural exploration and personal storytelling that makes each episode uniquely engaging.

Saoirse transforms to introduce us to the Leshy, the unpredictable guardian of Russian forests. This shape-shifting spirit can lead travelers astray with eerie whistles or by mimicking the voices of loved ones, creating labyrinths where once familiar paths stood. But there's wisdom in these tales—respect the forest and its keeper, and you might find your way home. The traditional method to break a Leshy's spell? Turn your clothes inside out and put your shoes on the wrong feet to confuse the trickster.

We then dive into the legend of the Brosno Dragon, a lake monster with a remarkable historical connection. Unlike most cryptids, this creature reportedly saved the city of Novgorod from Batu Khan's invading Mongol army in 1240. When the Golden Horde paused at Lake Brosno, the massive serpentine beast emerged from the depths, creating such terror that the conquerors of nations retreated, interpreting the monster as an omen that the land itself had risen against them.

Through these stories, we explore how folklore serves as a bridge between humans and the natural world, teaching respect for forces beyond our control while providing protection through cultural knowledge passed down generations. Whether you're fascinated by mythology, cultural traditions, or just love a good monster tale, this episode offers a captivating glimpse into Russia's rich folkloric tradition.

Listen now, and remember—when wandering in strange woods or beside deep lakes, a little respect for local spirits might just save your life.

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro: The Evil-Minded Man
• 1:50 Vodka Made from Odd Bob's Potatoes
• 2:55 Coffee Talk and Russian Memories
• 10:30 The Leshy: Forest Guardian Spirit
• 15:55 The Brosno Dragon: Russia's Lake Monster
• 22:50 Closing Thoughts and Sign-off

Transcript

Intro: The Evil-Minded Man

Speaker 1 0:05

I'm an evil-minded man. We'll keep you evil-minded too. Get evil cause. There's nothing else to do. I'm an evil-minded man. We'll keep you evil-minded too. I'm an evil-minded man. We'll keep you evil-minded too. Coming to you live from the basement in Bob's Mystic Manor, east of Springfield. Welcome to the Dr Kitsune Odd Bob Uncanny Coffee Hour.

Speaker 2 0:44

Where we're always respectful, with a touch of impish irreverence. We tell stories with wit and wisdom, encouraging a strong look at Indigenous perspectives.

Speaker 3 0:55

Well now, hello there and a warm welcome to you all. I'm Saoirse, and I'm the one around here with a bit of well, let's call it vocal flexibility. Being a puka, you see, means I don't just tell stories, I become a little piece of them. So if you hear me sounding like an old man one minute and a floaty, teeny, tiny fairy the next, don't you fret. That's just my way of making sure the tale hits home. It all starts with a little. That's a signal, means I'm tuning the old vocal cords or maybe sprouting a new set entirely, all in the service of a good story. Glad to have your company.

Speaker 1 1:34

Brought to you this week by vodka Made from Odd Bob's potatoes.

Speaker 4 1:42

More potatoes for the vodka.

Vodka Made from Odd Bob's Potatoes

Speaker 1 1:45

Bob grows them in the garden and we squeeze them for a little vodka.

Speaker 2 1:51

You probably shouldn't eat those.

Speaker 1 1:56

Cures All sorts of ales. If you drink enough of it May cause blindness, get some. I drank some vodka and I had a baby. Oops, get some. I drank some vodka and I had a baby. Oops, get some. That'll work.

Speaker 2 2:19

Definitely shouldn't drink vodka and then have the baby.

Speaker 1 2:22

Well, you definitely shouldn't drink vodka and then do the show which we've probably been doing, yeah.

Speaker 3 2:27

Oh, I've definitely been doing. Vodka is a breakfast food.

Speaker 1 2:32

So what are you drinking this week?

Speaker 2 2:36

This week I am having espresso, but maybe with a little more water than I normally do.

Speaker 5 2:44

So more of an.

Speaker 2 2:45

Americano. Let's call it a half Americano half espresso with oat milk.

Speaker 3 2:52

Let's call it a no, thank you.

Speaker 2 2:55

Oat milk.

Speaker 3 2:56

Yeah.

Speaker 2 2:57

It's creamy, creamy oat milk.

Speaker 1 2:59

Where are oats from?

Speaker 2 3:02

Fields originally.

Speaker 1 3:05

Is that a European thing?

Speaker 2 3:06

From the fields the oats.

Speaker 1 3:12

I mean oats aren't? I don't think oats are indigenous to this country.

Speaker 2 3:16

Horses like them. Well yeah, horses like them.

Speaker 1 3:19

You know I ate a bunch of oats horse oats because I ran out of food.

Speaker 2 3:23

Yeah, I've had those before. They're not bad, they're not good either.

Speaker 1 3:27

Well they're okay.

Speaker 2 3:30

Anyway, yeah, do you?

Speaker 1 3:33

like cream of wheat. Yeah, it's okay, that's made from wheat, it's not cream of oat.

Speaker 2 3:40

I know I'm just taking, I guess, an informal survey.

Speaker 1 3:44

So I was 14 years old and I was building corrals for a buddy of mine named Craybaugh. Gary Craybaugh and my brother Mike and I ran out of food. Well, we were too embarrassed to tell him, so we started boiling the oats that we had for.

Speaker 1 3:59

Yeah, you can eat them raw you know Well, craybaugh's Aunt found out that, uh, we were eating these oats and man, she took him by the ear and scolded him and yelled at him and I never heard anybody and he was saying but if I would have known, I would have given them money, we would have gotten to town to get food and uh yeah, betty and bud, they yelled at him and they fed us, made us Tudor fish sandwiches and then we went to town and got groceries.

Speaker 2 4:30

Nothing like a good.

Speaker 1 4:31

Tudor fish popkin Tudor fish popkin.

Speaker 3 4:35

Oi, you boys forget me.

Speaker 1 4:37

No, we didn't forget you. What is it you're drinking today?

Speaker 3 4:41

My drink for today is a kimchi Bloody Mary. You see, the natural spice and tang of kimchi blends with the Bloody Mary mix. It's robust and flavourful, like me.

Speaker 1 4:54

Aha, is it with Odd Bob's traditional cellar vodka?

Speaker 3 4:59

Come on now. You know it is.

Speaker 1 5:02

It is, and, kimchi, help me Help me.

Speaker 2 5:07

Oh, no, the spider. Okay, there's like a National Geographic special on insects and spiders going on right there, sorry, oh, and then we had the two. What was it that we were going to talk about?

Speaker 1 5:27

Здравствуйте, как дела?

Speaker 2 5:31

Why are you talking to me like that? Are you mad at me or something? What did I do to you? У меня зовут Митч. Yeah, right back at you.

Speaker 1 5:43

I don't remember too much more Russian. Oh, russian, okay yeah so this week we are going to be talking about a Russian spirit?

Speaker 2 5:51

All I know is from the Hunt for Red October. Hunt for Red October, yeah.

Speaker 1 5:58

Okay, so I do remember my Russian teacher, galia Grosa, brought in this old Russian woman to my Russian class in high school and we were speaking, trying to work on our Russian, and I gotta say I must have been the slowest person in that class.

Speaker 5 6:26

Was this high school.

Speaker 1 6:27

High school yeah.

Speaker 2 6:28

I went to high school. They taught Russian there. I thought you learned Russian in the Army for some reason.

Speaker 1 6:34

No, I used my Russian in the Army a little bit, but it was middle of Cold War. You know, mr Kitsun, tear down this lack of knowledge of the Russian language. So there was this Russian gymnast girl in class.

Speaker 2 6:52

Oh, now I know why you took Russian.

Speaker 1 6:54

Yeah, it really was why I took Russian, and she was probably the prettiest girl in the whole school.

Speaker 3 7:01

That's because I didn't go to your school.

Speaker 1 7:04

Anyway, I won't mention her name because in case she is one of our listeners, I don't want to embarrass her. And anyway I remember Galia brought in this old woman and you know there's two ways to say you. There's you plural and you singular. There's you plural and you singular singular. But the plural you is also how you say use in the declination of, of, uh, verbs and stuff. It's how you say things politely to people.

Speaker 1 7:38

So an older woman, you would use the, the, the plural u v instead of the singular u, t, uh-huh, so, uh, so t is more like oi jesus no, it's.

Speaker 2 7:50

It's what you would say to an equal or someone that is a friend or someone that you're familiar with being like hey versus hello, ma'am yeah and uh.

Speaker 1 8:01

So I kept using using T and calling her U instead of using V with her and she starts rattling off this Russian. To me it sounds like a machine gun she's so fast with and everybody in the whole class starts laughing, and, of course, me being dumb Mitch, slow Mitch, I completely missed it. And Galia is laughing so hard and she says do you want me to translate? I said yes, please, because everybody else is laughing. And basically what she said this woman was like 100 years old. She was older than Yoda.

Speaker 3 8:41

Poor Russian you speak.

Speaker 1 8:43

And she says my, my young man, we haven't even slept together yet. So please refrain from using the the personal you, and use the formal you with me until we have slept together and everybody caught it and I didn't. And I was so embarrassed and, uh, I remember this girl. I'll just say her first name, so I remember Lana.

Speaker 1 9:06

Her face turns bright red and she scoots her chair like two feet away from me and I thought oh, well, there goes that chance just mess that up, but anyway, yeah, russian class was awesome and one of the one of the stories we read in there was about an undina, which is a mermaid.

Speaker 2 9:31

Okay.

Speaker 1 9:31

And I don't know if we can do A Russian mermaid A Russian mermaid, yeah, so like cold water, really cold, really cold water, and I think they live in lakes in Russia. Mm-hmm, and I think they're shapeshifters and they drink vodka.

Speaker 3 9:48

You sure it wasn't a puka. I'm a shapeshifter and I drink vodka. Well, of course they drink vodka.

Speaker 1 9:53

Everybody in Russia drinks vodka. That's what.

Speaker 2 9:54

I've heard. I've heard there's, like you know, like we have Coke machines here. I've heard that they have vodka machines.

Speaker 1 10:00

And you know, I learned a couple of words and I don't remember what they mean.

Speaker 2 10:04

I remember something like it sounds like Klingon yeah.

The Leshy: Forest Guardian Spirit

Speaker 1 10:10

I don't. Maybe one of our Russian listeners will think that's funny. I, our Russian listeners will think that's funny. Uh, I remember something else about pizza. You're not supposed to order pizza there and call it pizza. But I don't remember what it is. I just remember that my buddy Doug kept saying pizza, pizza, pizza, and he said that's not a good thing. But I don't remember, so maybe one of our Russian listeners will think that's funny also. But uh, you guys will have to let us know. Yeah, so I have no idea. I know that the first, um, the first story that we're going to do is on a leshy, okay, leshy, you got it. And that's spelled l. Yeah, shah e okra.

Speaker 3 10:50

Okay, and it's pronounced leshy that's the way to say it. Is it milk-related at all? You said it.

Speaker 1 10:56

No, not Lecce Okay. Lieschi yes yes, I know I'm saying it correctly. I am saying it correctly.

Speaker 3 11:03

Good on ya.

Speaker 1 11:04

Thank you, Saoirse. So maybe, Saoirse, if you wouldn't mind, could you change into Lieschi and maybe tell us, give us a rundown, change into a leshy and maybe tell us a rundown give us a definition, please, yeah, and or a story.

Speaker 4 11:23

Very well, let me tell you of the leshy from russian folklore. This is a creature that reminds you don't stray from the path. A shape--shifting, unpredictable guardian of the woods, the Leshy can be your friend or your worst nightmare. Known to lead travelers astray with eerie whistles or the voices of their loved ones. The traditional way to break his spell. The traditional way to break his spell Stop, turn all your clothes inside out and put your shoes on the wrong feet, to confuse him and find your way back to safety.

Speaker 1 12:11

Uncanny Coffee.

Speaker 4 12:13

Now for a story of the leshy. The late afternoon, sun dappled through the dense canopy of virgin pine as I hiked deeper into the ancient forest, a thermos of strong black tea warming my hands for this familiar trail. Near my dacha, there was an unusual stillness in the air. The chatter of birds was absent and the rustling of the undergrowth had ceased. I paused, taking a sip of tea, a prickle of unease crawling up my spine. Then I heard it, a low chuckle Like dry leaves skittering across stone. Yet somehow closer, I turned, slowly scanning the trees Nothing.

Speaker 5 13:03

Kto tam.

Speaker 4 13:04

I called out, my voice swallowed by the woods. The chuckle came again, this time from my left, and a fleeting glimpse of movement, something tall and vaguely humanoid, its form seeming to shift and blend with the bark of the trees. My heart pounded in my chest. This wasn't a bear or a fox.

Speaker 4 13:24

The stories my babushka used to tell me flickered through my mind Tales of the Leshy, the guardian of the forest, a trickster who could lead travelers astray with his disorienting laughter and shifting appearance. The air grew colder and the scent of damp earth and pine needles intensified. The Leshi, I realized with a sudden certainty, was toying with me. I started to walk, trying to keep a steady pace, but the path ahead seemed to twist and turn in unnatural ways. Familiar landmarks were gone, replaced by a confusing labyrinth of trees that all looked the same. The chuckling echoed around me, sometimes close, sometimes distant, always mocking. Panic began to set in. The forest had swallowed me whole, just as despair threatened to overwhelm me. I remembered another of Babushka's tales the Leshy Respects those who Respect the Forest. I stopped walking, took a deep breath and spoke aloud. Great Leshy, I said, my voice trembling slightly. I mean no disrespect to your woods, I only wish to enjoy a peaceful walk. If I have trespassed or caused offense, I apologize. Please guide me back to the path.

Speaker 4 14:40

The chuckling stopped. The silence stretched thick and heavy. Then a new sound, the faint snap of a twig to my right. I turned my head and saw, partially obscured by a thicket of ferns, a familiar trail marker I had passed hours ago and relief washed over me as I made my way back. The birds began to sing and the small creatures rustled in the undergrowth. Once more, the forest felt alive again. I reached the edge of the woods as the last rays of sunlight faded. The thermos of tea, now cold, in my hand. I never saw the leshy clearly, but I knew with a chilling certainty, as the last rays of sunlight faded, the thermos of tea, now cold in my hand. I never saw the Leshi clearly, but I knew with a chilling certainty that I had been in his domain and he had decided my fate this day.

Speaker 1 15:37

Okay, thank you, saoirse, for that great Lieschi story. It was. Yeah, I learned a lot.

Speaker 2 15:46

Me too. I know absolutely nothing about folklore from the region, so it's always nice to get a little glimpse into something there.

The Brosno Dragon: Russia's Lake Monster

Speaker 3 15:54

That's because you spend all day sitting on your own Licher and slapping your belly.

Speaker 1 15:58

Get yourself some culture well, there's a rosnia, or rosno, the brosno monster you want to maybe yeah, what's, what is that?

Speaker 2 16:09

they are not all monsters well, it's area that it's from.

Speaker 1 16:15

It's about five meters long. It's kind of like a dragon and it's in Lake Brosno.

Speaker 2 16:23

Oh, a lake monster.

Speaker 1 16:24

Yeah, a lake monster, and the first legends kind of date back to the time of the Tartar-Mongol wars, the invasions. There Is that where tartar sauce comes from Probably, probably, where steak tartare comes from also, and you know, the monster reportedly protected the local people by attacking the invading army.

Speaker 3 16:54

Done that.

Speaker 2 16:55

Oh, that's cool. Yeah, I always love those cool, yeah. So I mean I always love those stories.

Speaker 1 16:58

Righteous monsters, it's kind of like the Leshy who you know steals the children from. You know stole the children and protected them. So this is they protect the local people, so it's like a protector spirit. Yeah, obviously, nessie in Scotland, yep, and Loch N kind of dropped the ball with that one.

Speaker 3 17:20

Hey, now less of the lip from you.

Speaker 1 17:23

I mean, I think if that was for Jot.

Speaker 3 17:25

Nessie is a dear friend and a lovely thing.

Speaker 1 17:29

You know her person? Yes, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to impugn your friend. Yes, you know her personally.

Speaker 3 17:36

You watch her tails, or we might just go see her together, okay, and I hope Kitsune can swim.

Speaker 2 17:40

She didn't protect the Scots from so where is she when they do the big sonar runs?

Speaker 3 17:47

At your mom's house.

Speaker 2 17:48

Sir, shut up. Oh Okay, that makes sense.

Speaker 1 17:55

Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 17:56

Just watch yourself, Foxy man.

Speaker 1 17:59

Okay. So, maybe you could, if you feel like it. I don't. Would you mind giving us a rundown of Brosny and Lake Brosno, and maybe could you tell us a story?

Speaker 3 18:15

Okay, okay, I will, don't get your tails in a knot, Thank you. Well then, this Lake Brosno is a freshwater lake located in the Tver Oblast, a region in western Russia southwest of the Valdai Hills. While not exceptionally large in surface area, it is notable for its significant depth, reaching a maximum of about 41.5 meters. The lake is situated in a rural forested area and is part of the Western Dvina River Basin. Its considerable depth is a key element in the folklore surrounding it, providing a plausible hiding place for a large, mysterious creature like the Brosno monster, being known locally as Brosnia or the Brosno Dragon. Brosnia is a cryptid said to inhabit Lake Brosno. According to centuries of local folklore, the creature is described as a massive, dragon-like or serpentine beast. Of course, most rational explanations for sightings often point to geological phenomena, such as large hydrogen sulfide gas eruptions from the lakebed or the misidentification of large fish or swimming animals. But we know the truth then, don't we lads?

Speaker 4 19:31

Travel now with me, far from home, to a cold, remote lake in western Russia. Most legends of lake monsters stay in the realm of folklore, frightening fishermen or lonely travelers. But this story, this story claims that a monster directly intervened in history and saved a city from one of the most feared armies the world has ever known. This is the tale of the Brosno Dragon. The year is 1240. The Mongol Empire, under the command of Batu Khan, is sweeping across Kievan. Rus City after city falls to the Golden Horde.

Speaker 4 20:13

An army so vast and disciplined it seems like an unstoppable force of nature. Their goal is the wealthy city of Novgorod, and nothing has stood in their way. The massive army makes its way through the dense forests and marshlands and eventually they stop to rest on the shores of a large, picturesque lake called Brozno. It's a deep, dark body of water. Seemingly peaceful, the soldiers water their horses, refill their canteens and prepared for the final push to Novgorod. But Lake Brosno had a reputation among the locals it was a place to be respected, a place with a spirit.

Speaker 4 20:52

As the horses waded into the shallows, the water began to churn, Not like a simple current, but as if something enormous was waking from a long slumber below A huge head like that of a dragon, broke the surface. Its scales shimmered like wet stone and its eyes held a cold intelligence. The horses screamed in terror and tried to scramble back to shore, but it was too late. The creature, a massive serpentine beast, surged from the depths. It started snatching horses and soldiers, violently plunging them beneath the surface in a swirl of chaos and blood. The men of the Golden Horde warriors who had conquered half the known world, were utterly terrified as they watched the water change to a seething blood red.

Speaker 2 21:42

I am terrified.

Speaker 4 21:43

They had faced armies, but they had never faced a monster. Panic ripped through the ranks. This was a terrible omen. It was a sign that the land itself was rising up to defend Novgorod. The commanders, unable to control their terrified troops and terrified themselves, made a swift decision they abandoned the campaign for Novgorod and retreated.

Speaker 2 22:08

It looks like everyone is terrified.

Speaker 4 22:11

So the legend is told, the great city of Novgorod was saved not by high walls nor a valiant army, but by the ancient, terrible, monstrous guardian of Lake Brosna. Ancient, terrible, monstrous guardian of Lake Brosnan. So there you have it, an army that conquered nations was turned back by a lake monster. What do you two?

Closing Thoughts and Sign-off

Speaker 2 22:36

make of that? All right, well, as the last drops of our coffee, cool, we wrap up another episode of the Uncanny Coffee Hour. Many thanks to Dr Katsune and Saoirse. Faya you're welcome my co-hosts for exploring the eerie depths of Russian folklore with me, including that chilling tale of the Brosno Dragon. Be sure to join us next time as we delve into more of the unexplained Until then Dosvidanya.

Speaker 1 23:08

Keep an eye on the shadows and we'll see you for the next brew.

Speaker 3 23:13

Stay strange everyone.

Speaker 5 23:21

Thanks for listening. Join us next time for more uncanny chats and coffee and tea. You can find out more about us read show notes and get your uncanny merch at wwwuncannycoffeepodcastcom. Until next time, remember.

Speaker 1 23:44

Never whistle at night.

Speaker 3 23:46

Don't let Krasnov succeed.

Speaker 1 23:48

And, above all else, remember we are not all monsters. Thanks to all of our listeners out there. Uncanny Coffee Hour is produced by Bob Masson and Mitch Kiyotakitsune.

Speaker 2 24:08

Executive producer Gracie the Wonder Dog.

Speaker 1 24:12

Uncanny Coffee Hour is copyright protected by all laws, foreign, domestic and uber natural by the Unseelie Court. We are stronger together.

Speaker 2 24:37

Listen to those birds.

Speaker 1 24:40

You think the mics are picking them up?

Speaker 2 24:42

Yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 1 24:48

We haven't been pooped on once was, but that was sersha.

Speaker 2 24:50

Yeah, that one was big.

Speaker 1 24:53

It's like taco bell time you know, some people pay good money for that I've heard.

Speaker 2 24:59

I've heard because you know, I've been told before that I could be a bear and I'm like can I make money?